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Hybrid, Chapter 1: The Child

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Chapter 1:
Alexander

June 12, 2343

   On the deck of a large tree house in the Chartorla rainforest, Helen’s eight year old son Alexander sat on her lap. His ocean blue eyes stared blankly as he was awed by the twinkling stars in the night sky. Helen stroked his spiky white hair. Helen looked at the sky for a second and sighed sadly. She looked away as the sky reminded her of someone she lost.

    “Mother, what’s wrong?” he asked her.

    “I’m tired,” Helen lied. “I think it’s time to go to bed.”

    The boy nodded as she took him to his bedroom. They walked around his wooden toys scattered all over the floor. His closet opened with a tunic hanging on the door. Cool air blew through his window Helen folded the blankets open and he jumped into bed.

    "The night sky is so beautiful," her son as he was tucked in.

    "It is," Helen agreed.

    "What is up there?" he asked.

    Helen didn’t answer.

   "Maybe you will someday," she mumbled as she turned her head away from the window. Remembering her past, her left hand shook as if someone was still firmly clinging on to her. Echoing within her mind were the shouts and wails of people being slaughtered.

   "Mother, are you ok?" her son asked feeling worried.

   She shook her head. "I'm fine. I am just thinking about a story to tell you."

   "Oh great!" he beamed. "I love listening to your stories!"

   "Alright," she smiled. "This story is about a warrior who ventured out across the sea to rescue a mermaid."

   As the story put him to sleep, Helen stepped into her bedroom, she untied her purple robe and hung it in a closet. She then took out a white night gown and put it on. Laying on her nightstand was an amulet in a shape of two golden hands holding a deep blue diamond. She picked it up and sat down to look at it.

    Looking at it, she could hear her beloved’s voice. She could remember the time they met for the first time. The times they spent together flown through her mind. Tears built up as she remembered his last words to her. She stepped toward his window and looked up the sky again. Looking at the night sky made her think of her long lost love. She leaned her head against the window and a tear ran down her cheek. "Fabocusa, I wish you were still with me."

    She wiped the tear off her cheek. “How can I tell Alexander? How can I tell him what he is?”

    She held the amulet firmly to her chest thinking how her son would react. She thought, if I tell him, I’d lose him. He wouldn't understand me, not while still a child.

    Then Alexander burst into her room with tears running down his face. He jumped onto his mother's lap, buried his head into her chest, and sobbed.

   "Alexander, what is wrong?" she asked as she patted his head.

   "Everything was on fire! Our house was on fire; everyone was dead, the sky was black, I was being chased by monsters!" Alexander sobbed.

   Helen's heart fluttered as he described his dream. The images of her traumatic event flashed in her mind. She held him tightly and she too panicked. She took a couple deep breaths as she tried to calm him down.

    He continued to cry. “The monsters are going to kill us!”

    "Shhhhh. No they’re not," she whispered into his ear. “There are no such things as monsters.”

    He shook. “Are you sure?”

    She nodded. “No monster would be after us. It was just a dream. I won’t anyone hurt you.”

    He looked up. “Promise?”

    She nodded. “I promise.”

    "Ok," said Alexander. “Can I sleep in your bed tonight? I don’t want to be alone.”

    “Yes,” she said as she put the blankets over him and kissed him on the forehead. “No matter what will happen, I’ll be here for you.”

    “Thank you,” he hugged his mother. Finally he went back to sleep.

                                                **********

    The next morning after breakfast, the two went into the jungle to collect fruit. Thick pink vines grew all over the jungle. Feathered monkeys with four arms swinging from treetop to treetop. Butterflies and birds flew over flowers the size of boulders blooming. The scent of the jungle smelled like hot cologne. The Vega star released rays of sunlight, which beamed into the jungle floor.

   Alexander jumped over roots and chased a couple of butterflies. After that he collected a couple of flowers. An old male Cobain farmer sat on a rock chopping up bowling ball sized fruits with a machete. He appeared as a reptilian humanoid with long silver hair, wearing a purple tunic. When he saw the boy, he smiled, and chopped one of his fruits in half. He handed the chopped fruit to Alexander. Alexander thanked the farmer and hopped away while sucking on the juice.

    As they continued to walk down the road, Alexander pointed to the top of a tree. "Mother, there’s a lot of strapples on top of that tall tree.”    

    "Do you think you can get them all?" asked Helen.

    "Sure!" As soon as he said it, he climbed up the tree like a monkey. No one could ever climb like him. She knew that he had abilities out of anyone's imagination.

    When he slid down, she smiled at him and said, "You are amazing!"

    "Thanks Mother!" he said.

    "All of this fruit will last us for about two weeks. You make me so happy every day!" she said.

    "Thanks! But I am wondering why we're different from uncle and everyone else?" Alexander asked.

    She shuttered when he asked her that question. Her hands loosened and the basket slid against her fingers. She caught it and the fruit rolled around like balls.

    "Um," she bit her lip as her back trembled. "There are different kinds of people, your uncle and the people of this city are one race. The other races live on the other side of the world."

   "Well can we meet with them?" he asked.

   "When you get older, you can meet them," she said.

   "How come my father is not here with us?" he asked another serious question.

   Helen paused and froze trying to come up with another good lie. She took a deep breath and said sadly, "The reason your father is not with us is because he died of a sickness as soon as I became pregnant with you. Your uncle Nadnerb looked after me throughout my pregnancy."

   "I really don't know my father very well," he said. "Could you tell me more about him?"

   "I will tell you later," she said. "Right now, I would like to teach you the alphabet."

   "Ok," he agreed and they headed back to the house.

                                      **********

   Meanwhile, a male Cobain in a purple tunic named Nadnerb entered with city to visit the Great Cathedral. Down the market, the Cobains placed their wooden carts at the sides of the streets to sell their goods. A few offered fish, fruits, meats, and vegetables. They wore variation of tunics, cloaks, and togas. A couple of them had giant furry lizards pulling their carts around. The children ran around playing with balls made of socks.  

   The Cathedral was two stories high with one side showing their gods creating the heaven and life. The other side of the Cathedral showed them fighting off, imprisoning demons in their Underworld. Each corner had a clock tower with a god spreading its wings at the top as if it was spreading light over the Cobain world.

   When he got inside the cathedral, he walked down the cold stone stairs. The place became dark as he reached the bottom of the stairs. Water dripped down from the ceiling in the tunnel. He entered a chamber lit with melting candles. Cobain priests in brown cloaks looked up the engraved stone dome ceiling.

    One cloaked priest pulled her hood as she greeted Nadnerb. "Welcome Nadnerb."

    “Thank you Noremac,” Nadnerb nodded. “Why was I summoned here?”

    Noremac explained. “Ever since Helen and Alexander came to this world, we had you look after them since he was born. What do you see in him?”

    Nadnerb said, “I really don’t know. He and Helen are completely different from us. He has some super speed and strength for a child. That is all I see in him.”

    Noremac looked back up the ceiling. “This dome tells us the story of our gods. As they created this world, we rose from the soils. They gave us water to drink, game to hunt for food. They taught us how to build farms, then villages, then towns, and finally cities. They have always been living over us for thousands of years.”

    “How can Alexander be part of this?” Nadnerb asked.

    “Look at this statue,” Noremac walked up to a statue of a snow-skinned man wearing a toga and holding a spear. “This boy has resembles of the gods who looked over us.”

    Nadnerb said, “I don’t understand why we can’t see the gods anymore.”

    Noremac looked back at the ceiling again. “As we raised our rises with their help, a great fire shined bright throughout the sky and our world. We hid underground as it happened. As the fire in the sky was out, the gods were gone. The loss of the gods plagued us, fearing that the demons would break free from the Underworld and conquer the sky. We kept praying for the gods to come back, hoping that the demons would run back away.”

    “The great fire consumed the sky thousands of years ago,” said Nadnerb. “The demons would have arrived by now.”

    “But they may arrive,” said Noremac with concern. “The question is when.”

    “What about Alexander’s arrival?” Nadnerb asked.

    “On the other side of this ceiling,” Noremac continued. “There is another picture to this future. Here as the demons consumes the sky, one of the gods return and descends down to our world. There this god unleashed all his powers and all the demons tore apart by his presence. The god hovers over us as peace is restored.”

    Nadnerb looked at the engraved pictures more. “So you’re saying that Alexander is the god who would save us from the upcoming demons?”

    Noremac nodded. “You must understand that this boy is the god who would save us from damnation. He doesn’t know much about himself yet. But when he does, he must know he is the chosen one. Make sure you and Helen keep him secured from outsiders. He must learn and control his powers. No one should lay a hand on him except his mother.”

    Nadnerb nodded and left the chamber. As Nadnerb walked out, a face wrinkled Cobain woman with silvery hair was waiting at the door. She wore a worn out leather robe. She carried a bag filled with divining tools, and no one knew what.

    "Can I help you?” Nadnerb asked.

    “I am a prophet,” she said. “I am hoping to see the child. Please.”

    Nadnerb put his hands up. "I am sorry Madam, the high priest orders everyone to stay away from him. He is not ready to know about his future. He's only a child."

   "But he is a very special child. I am eager to know what his future is going to be like," she said.

   "I am sure that the boy will find out about his future on his own. Now stay away from him and his mother," he ordered.

   “As you wish,” she lowered her head in disappointment and walked away.

                                         **********

   That night Alexander was tucked in bed, his mind kept racing as he thought of his dream last night. Why were the monsters killing people? What do they want with me? What am I? He couldn’t get to sleep, fearing he would have that dream again. The wind blew into his room through the window.

    Them he heard his mother talking to Nadnerb out on the deck. He got out of his bed and leaned against the window to listen to their conversation. There are things my mother is keeping from me, he thought. I got to found out what it is.

    As Alexander listened, Nadnerb said to Helen. “Alexander should know about himself.”

    “I can’t tell him,” Helen shook her head. “He would never understand me.”

    Understand what, Alexander thought.

    "I think it is close to the time that he should know," said Nadnerb.

    "No! I can't tell him. I am scared to tell him what he is," she said.

    "I know that you have been keeping this secret from him since his birth," he said.

    She shook her head again. “You don’t understand. I lived in the heavens. I was the only survivor of the fall of your gods. His father sacrificed himself so Alexander could be born. How can I tell him everything I have been through?”

    He asked. “What would happen if you tell him?”

    She lowered her head. “He would be never love me again and use his powers against us if he finds out.”

    “He would not,” said Nadnerb.

    Alexander retreated from the windows in shock. His mother had been keeping a secret about him. He sat in his bed shaken up by the conversation. His mother was from the heavens and he is born as the god for the Cobains. What powers I have, he thought. What is it about me that keep my mother from telling me about?

    He could still hear the two talking. Then Nadnerb said, “We must secure Alexander from others until he knows more about him, master his skills, and accept his destiny.”

    “Does this have to be now?” Helen asked with concern.

    “People wanted to be with him,” said Nadnerb. “There’s a prophet who wants to read his mind. She lives at the top of a hill in the Jardi Meadow. We can’t let him go there."

    Helen stated. “I can’t let her read the future until he matures.”

    “If you don’t want to tell him now, that is fine,” said Nadnerb. “Only you would tell him. You are still a good mother.”

    “Alright,” Helen nodded.

    Alexander thought, there is a person would can read my future? My mother would not tell me what I am yet. But I need to know what it is. The fortune teller lives at the Jardi Meadow, I know where that is. I need to go see her so I can find the answers.
I want many people reading this and make any comments or suggestions to make this chapter of Hybrid better! I want to know! I am doing this for a literature class and I want everyone to add comments and suggestions please!The preview image was drawn by 0-xcheekymonkeyx-0 Check her gallery if you want to. 0-xcheekymonkeyx-0.deviantart.…

Chapter 1:Reading
Chapter 2:fav.me/d37fsfv
Chapter 3:fav.me/d3abpki
Chapter 4:fav.me/d3abqcp
Chapter 5:fav.me/d3abr1h
Chapter 6:fav.me/d41jupx
Chapter 7:fav.me/d45l2v3
Chapter 8:fav.me/d460y0d
Chapter 9:fav.me/d4695b4
Chapter 10:fav.me/d46p5y4
Chapter 11:fav.me/d4jgu57
Chapter 12:fav.me/d4jtcvf
Chapter 13:fav.me/d4kvxos
Chapter 14:fav.me/d4l8nue
Chapter 15:fav.me/d4m3pyv
Chapter 16:fav.me/d4sgor8
Chapter 17:fav.me/d4skwio
Chapter 18:fav.me/d4ssgjj
Chapter 19:fav.me/d4z5nvw
Chapter 20:bclement117.deviantart.com/art…
Chapter 21:fav.me/d52fnpr
Chapter 22:fav.me/d53a8rb
Chapter 23:fav.me/d53mt7a
Chapter 24:fav.me/d548yei
Chapter 25:fav.me/d554g1u
Chapter 26:fav.me/d5590rm
Chapter 27:bclement117.deviantart.com/art…
Chapter 28:fav.me/d55qymt
Chapter 29:fav.me/d55qzbl
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NeoPaladinOfLight's avatar
Another okay chapter. A couple grammar errors, but that's whatever. Here are the things that stood out to me.

She could still hear the shouting and wails of people being slaughtered.
Being slaughtered? She can hear that? Where? I think you're trying to go for a flashback sequence, or a memory thing, but there's nothing in the text to indicate that. If she's remembering something, say that she's remembering something. If people are actually being slaughtered around her right now, then tell what they're doing in this little boy's room and why the boy seemingly can't hear them.

Tears build up as she remembered his last words to her.
Tears built up. Keep your the past tense, since past tense is what everything else is in.

She knew the answer, but she felt like he wasn't ready to hear that answer. So she was trying to come up with a lie that sounded truthful.
Aight, stuff like this is annoying. You've already spent a whole section up above on her not wanting to tell the kid the truth about stuff. There's no need to say the same thing again. Instead of trying to get the reader interested in whatever hidden reason the mother has, use the time to actually describe the mother's actions. Actions speak louder than words. So when the kid asked her mother the question, have the mother's actions show the reader how uneasy she is. She almost dropped a basket? How? Did she trip over something? Did she lose her grip? Did the kid startle her, physically? What's her body language doing? What's her face doing? Is she visibly disturbed, or is she doing a good job hiding it?

And instead of explicitly saying that she's trying to come up with a lie, just have her talk. Again, use her body language to show the reader that she's making stuff up on the fly. Is she stuttering? Is she saying "uh" and/or "um" a lot? Is she such a masterful liar that she's talking without any hiccups in her voice? Maybe she says the whole thing perfectly, but gives a tell away, like wincing her eyes, or looking away. Maybe she can't keep eye contact when she lies. Maybe the kid picks up on her not keeping eye contact.


I'm personally not too fond of "chosen one" stories, but they can be done very well with the right care and attention. That's more of a me thing than a you thing, so definitely go for it. If this chosen Alexander is special, be sure to point out through actions how special he is. A lot of "chosen one" stories like to hype up the main character because he's the main character, and forget to actually have the main character actually prove himself. As long as you keep that in mind, I'm sure this story'll turn out fine.

Now overall, I'd like to see a little less exposition. I know with Sci-fi stuff, you, as the writer, are super excited to tell the reader everything you think is cool about your world and its history. I know I fall into that trap a lot, too. But you gotta hold back. Let the reader want to discover it on his/her own. Just focus on the story as it's happening now. That big part in the middle where the people were talking about the chosen one was alright, but for me personally, I didn't really care about the history and how important the chosen one was going to be. This is the first chapter. I have no investment in anyone or anything at this point. Save the history lesson for when I am invested in the story and am actually curious to know about how and why the universe is what it is, and give me info on the chosen one after I've become invested in seeing this chosen one do what he needs to do. Right now, I just think it's too early.

Like I said, it was okay. I think I liked the prologue more, but that was because there was more action. I got what I needed from it, and I was good to go into the next thing. This chapter was a slow burn. I'm sure bigger and better things'll happen down the line, though.