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Hybrid, Chapter 2: The Prophet

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Chapter 2:
The Prophet

June 14, 2343

    Alexander woke early that morning. He lay in bed motionless as he saw the star Vega rise. Getting out of his bed slowly, he popped his head out the window. Looking up the hills, he wondered where the Jardi Meadow could be. He retreated to his bed to think. How can I get there if my mother won’t allow me?

    A knock was heard from his door. “Alexander, are you awake?”

    Alexander did not answer.

    His mother crept the door open and poked her head in. “Are you alright?”

    He opened his eyes as he had pretended he was asleep. “I’m still tired Mother. I couldn’t sleep last night.”

    “Is it because of that nightmare?” she asked.

    He nodded.

    “Alright then, I’ll let you rest for a while until you’re better,” she said. “Are you hungry?”

    He shook his head.

    “Get some more rest.” She blew him a kiss and closed his door.

    Alexander waited an hour before slipping out of bed. Knowing he would be traveling deep into the jungle, he packed a couple of containers of water in a leather bag. He poked his head out of the window again and his mother was nowhere around. This might be my chance to sneak out. He climbed out of the window, onto a tree branch, and slowly slid down the trunk.

**********

    Making sure he didn’t make a sound, he stepped around twigs and leaves, and made it to a dirt path. The sun rose from the west, so he followed that direction. An hour had passed and the path became thick with curtains of water-filled flower vines. He tripped over some of the vines and the trapped water showered him. It was warm and quickly evaporated from his clothes as the sun hit him.

    Alexander stumbled upon three wooden signs at the start of a forked path. The right one read, “To Mount Teren.” The middle one read, “To Xengas River.” But the third and left sign caught his eyes, reading, “To Jardi Meadow.” He quickly sprinted down the path believing he would get to the meadow.

    He stopped when he found footprints with four toes and a thick back toe, made by a Cobain. Could those footprints been have made by the Prophet? Hot on the trail, he followed to see where those footprints went to. He cut through boulder-sized leaves that blocked his path. An army of purple ants scattered across and he waited until it was safe to continue. He had been on the trail for a few hours, but to him it felt like it was only.

    Finally, he came upon a field covered with red and blue flowers six feet tall. Strawberries and coconut fragrance mixed into the air. This has to be the meadow. As he walked through the meadow, he found a stone staircase that went up the slope of a steep hill. As he ran up the stairs, he got to the top of the hill. There was a small wooden hut with tall palm trees around it. He walked nervously as he was about to knock on the door. Chills ran down his spine. He shook as he knocked the door a couple of times.

    Nothing happened. He knocked again and an elderly Cobain woman answered. She shook with surprised to see him. “Alexander?”

    He froze in fear as she knew his name.

    She put her hands up. "Don't worry, I don't mean you any harm."

    "Are you a prophet?" Alexander asked.

    She nodded. “I am. Is your mother around?”

    He shook his head. “No, I came here all by myself.”

    "You traveled all this way alone?” Her mouth hung open. “Why is she not with you?”

    "My mother won’t tell me what I am,” said Alexander.  “I was hoping you might know.”

    “You should never come here alone. Your mother might be worried to death,” she warned. “Come with me.”

    Alexander followed her inside the hut. At the back there was an opening of a cave with more dripping vines hanging down. A torch hung at the side of the cave and the Prophet held it and they walked down the stairs. Alexander walked slowly to avoid slipping on the wet stairs. Spiders crawled on the walls and he cringed when he saw them.

    They got to the bottom of the stairs and walked down a corridor and went inside a metallic chamber. Around the room were broken computer screens and panels hanging from the ceiling. At the center of the chamber was a blue glowing crystal ball. Alexander looked around nervously. The Prophet hovered her hands over the crystal.

    “What is that?” Alexander asked.

    The Prophet explained. “This orb holds the memory of our gods. They came to our world from the heavens and created us. They raised us to build a civilization, but they all vanished from the fire in the heavens.”

    “The fire in the heavens? You mean there was an actual fire up there?”

    “Yes. The fire consumed the gods and only stars are now left. Many priests believed that demons would break out of their prison in the Underworld and slaughter us all to recreate the heavens. As the demons would return, one surviving god would emerge from the gods’ ashes and unleash incredible power against the demons. Finally, the peace in the heavens would be restored.”

    “What does this have to do with me?”

    “I am unsure, but I believe if I show you the memories, you may know.”
 
    “What do I need to do?”

    "You place your one hand on the orb, and I will place mine on to it as well. Then my other would be on your head and we see the future. Are you ready?"

    Alexander nodded. He put his hand on the orb and so did the Prophet. He closed his eyes and found himself in a city. The sky blackened as large ships blocked the sunlight, throwing fireballs down to the surface. The ground shook and everything caught fire. An army of demons landed and started shooting at everyone. Innocents ran down the street as soldiers stayed behind to fend off the demons.

   Then he opened his eyes and let go of the orb. He shook as if he had been stuck out in the cold. His eyes widened by the horror of the vision. “What is this? Why are you showing this to me?”

    “Alexander, you only saw a glimpse of what we would face in the future,” said the Prophet.

    “No!” he shouted. “This can’t be true!”

    The Prophet stated, “There is more to the future that you have to know.”

    “No!” he shouted. “I don’t want to see more of it!”

    He ran up the stairs and sprinted out of the cave. He ran past the hut and through the meadow. Then he heard someone calling his name. It turned out to be his mother. Following her voice through the jungle, he found his mother at a creek.

    “Mother!” Alexander ran to hold her.

    “Alexander!” his mother held him tightly. “What are you doing all alone here?”

    “I found the Prophet,” he cried. “I saw our future.”

    “You what?” she raised his eyebrows. “You were not supposed to!”

    “I wanted to know what I am,” he said still shaking. “The Prophet showed me a horrifying future of demons killing us all.”

    Nadnerb and the Prophet met up with the two of them. His mother shouted, "What did you do?"

    "I only showed him a glimpse of the future,” the Prophet said. “But I was going to show him more.”

    "I saw the end of us! We are all going to get killed by demons!" Alexander shouted.

    Alexander looked up and his mother’s face was filled with horror. She held him tightly as they remembered his nightmare. He thought this was his future. He shook, now believing they would die.

   "What can we do? Are we going to die?" he cried.

   "No, we are not going to die. The demons are not coming after us soon,” Nadnerb stated and turned to the Prophet. “Right?”

   Birds stopped chirping and the jungle fell silent. The sky blackened. Everyone stood frozen like statues. Alexander literally felt his heart and lungs stopped. He could have sworn it was the clouds passing by. Then he heard clasps of thunder, explosions, and zips from the sky. Inch by inch, he looked up and there was a fleet of warring ships raining fire down to the ground.

    Noremac and her priests hurried to the meadow. Alexander and his mother stepped back as they had no idea what was going on. The priests’ robes were torn and covered in dirt and blood. They stopped running and bent down to catch their breaths.

    "What is happening?” he asked as he was looking at the ships.

    Noremac got back up and shouted. “Helen, we must have Alexander away from this world!”

    "What’s happening?!” Alexander shouted.

    "You have to get up and your son to safety,” Noremac warned the group. “The future we have predicted for so many years, this storm has arrived.”

   Nadnerb turned to Alexander’s mother. “Helen, get back to your home and grab as many things as you two need!”

   “And meet us back at my hut!” the Prophet added.

   “Come on!” his mother grabbed Alexander’s hand as they ran back home.
I want many people reading this and make any comments or suggestions to make this chapter of Hybrid better! I want to know! I am doing this for a literature class and I want everyone to add comments and suggestions please!The preview image was drawn by 0-xcheekymonkeyx-0 Check her gallery if you want to. 0-xcheekymonkeyx-0.deviantart.…
Prologue:fav.me/d5ktl3a
Chapter 1: Hybrid, Chapter 1: The Child
Chapter 2: Reading
Chapter 3:fav.me/d3abpki
Chapter 4:fav.me/d3abqcp
Chapter 5:fav.me/d3abr1h
Chapter 6:fav.me/d41jupx
Chapter 7:fav.me/d45l2v3
Chapter 8:fav.me/d460y0d
Chapter 9:fav.me/d4695b4
Chapter 10:fav.me/d46p5y4
Chapter 11:fav.me/d4jgu57
Chapter 12:fav.me/d4jtcvf
Chapter 13:fav.me/d4kvxos
Chapter 14:fav.me/d4l8nue
Chapter 15:fav.me/d4m3pyv
Chapter 16:fav.me/d4sgor8
Chapter 17:fav.me/d4skwio
Chapter 18:fav.me/d4ssgjj
Chapter 19:fav.me/d4z5nvw
Chapter 20:bclement117.deviantart.com/art…
Chapter 21:fav.me/d52fnpr
Chapter 22:fav.me/d53a8rb
Chapter 23:fav.me/d53mt7a
Chapter 24:fav.me/d548yei
Chapter 25:fav.me/d554g1u
Chapter 26:fav.me/d5590rm
Chapter 27:bclement117.deviantart.com/art…
Chapter 28:fav.me/d55qymt
Chapter 29:fav.me/d55qzbl
© 2011 - 2024 CommnderShepard117
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NeoPaladinOfLight's avatar
This chapter is decent. You tell a compact and concise enough story, allowing the reader to get a good feel for what's going on. I like that.

These are the things that stood out.

In your first paragraph, you change the tense of your sentences in the middle of your sentences. It happens twice. He lay...as he saw the star rose. That can be fixed in two ways that I can think of. The first: "He lay...as Vega rose." The second: "He lay...as he saw the star rise."

The second sentence that had a tense change was How can I get there if my mother wouldn't allow me? "Can get there" and "wouldn't" don't go together. I think you're trying to tell the story in past tense, so you need to make sure everything is in past tense.

It also seems like you're trying to interject the character's direct thoughts in the narrative. That's fine. Just make sure that you don't end up describing the thought, then repeating that thought in the text. That gets annoying real fast. Also, it would be nice if you did something to differentiate the thought from the actual narration. Most people just put the thought in italics. Having the thoughts in italics would also make it so you don't need to put "he thought" everytime you turn around.